6 Ways to Fix Communication Problems Between Mother And Daughter
There will be a day when your teenage daughter will mutter the forbidden words, “I hate you!” The little girl who loved to spend time with her mother was no longer present. This change in attitude is inevitable and happens to every daughter-mom duo, and communication problems betweeen mother and daughter produce some of the worst parenting moments.
If you mismanage your actions from here on out it can cause communication issues that linger for a long time, which is why it’s important to turn it around. Maintaining a healthy and robust relationship with your teenage daughter will lay the foundation for her personality and strengthen her social, physical, mental, and emotional health.
As a mother, you can easily understand and relate to your daughter and the feelings she’s experiencing because you’ve been there before. Growing up can takes a toll on any mother/daughter relationship. But don’t worry, studies show that mother-daughter relationships are the strongest of all parent-child bonds when it comes to the typical ways their brains process emotion.
In the teen years, it’s your job as a parent to show her that you’re merely offering guidance and advice, but not trying to control her life. Showcasing how to maintain a healthy relationship with your daughter will allow her to be able to form her strong relationships in the future.
What are the communication traps between moms and daughters?
Since you spend a lot of time with your child, you’ll notice when attitudes flare, and mood swings begin.
First, reevaluate your last few encounters with your daughter. Did you dismiss her when she asked you a question? Were you overwhelmingly controlling? Are you spending too much time working even to recall your last encounter?
If you find yourself yelling and nagging your teen more than having a regular conversation, you may have to change your strategies. Recognize your communication problems before trying to fix your teen’s.
After you’ve considered your attitude and behavior, observe your teen and see if anything specific is triggering their mood swings. If you realize that something on their cellphone or laptop is upsetting them, maybe they’re being cyberbullied. If they’re in a terrible mood after school, they may be struggling in a class. Teens take their feelings out on the people closest to them, and it’s likely a call for help.
If your teen is blatantly disrespectful, closed off and doesn’t seem to care that you even exist, it’s time to work on changing their mindset. If the following things are far too familiar, keep reading to learn how to better your relationship with your daughter.
- She gives you attitude over stuff that’s never been an issue before.
- She refuses to do what you ask.
- She agrees to do it, and then “forgets.”
- She denies they ever agreed to anything.
- She says, “You don’t get it!” at least twice a day.
- She insults you under her breath.
- She mocks you to your face.
- She “forgets” to text you back.
How to fix the communication problems with your daughter
Recognizing what causes communication problems is the first step to fixing them. Doing this early on will help build a stronger relationship between you and your daughter. You don’t want her to hesitate to confide in you when she’s going through something. You want to be a haven for support, advice, and comfort. Start by using the following tips to understand and communicate efficiently with your teen daughter.
Remember, you’re the parent.
Stay away from being a friend to your teen, and instead, be an active and compassionate mentor so she can look up to you as a role model. If you portray yourself as a friend, she is more likely to disrespect you and not listen. For your teen to grow into a fully-functioning, independent adult, she needs your leadership more than your friendship.
Remain cool and lighten-up.
Nothing good comes out of rage and impulse. If you’re too stressed to think and respond rationally, take a moment to yourself and collect your thoughts. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it will save you a lot of arguments. Lighten up and remember that no one stays a teen (or the mother of one) forever!
Have realistic expectations.
You and your teen both have high expectations for the relationship. She expects you to be a nurturing, loving mom all the time, but this is hard to do when you don’t see eye to eye. As a mother, you want your child to stay little and be attached to your hip forever, which is unrealistic. Maintaining a healthy balance between your expectations and the support that your teen needs will help form a better long-term relationship.
Talk less, listen more.
Miscommunication can lead to a lot of fights. Practice active listening and reflect on what she is saying, instead of assuming. When she feels that you truly understand her, you can establish better communication and respect towards each other.
Also, listen for feelings underlying in the message. Your daughter might be afraid to approach you with certain things because she’s scared of your reaction. Be open to listening and providing your full attention when she approaches you with a dilemma.
Put yourself in her shoes.
Put your daughter’s life into perspective, and recognize that she is going through so many things at once. Puberty, school stress, friendship issues, low self-esteem, and just growing up, are only a few of the stressors in your daughter’s life. Address problems with empathy and offer compromise; you don’t have to win every argument. Furthermore, step back and put yourself in her shoes; this should be easy because you too were once a teenage girl who needed her mom.
Setting boundaries is one of the most critical elements of maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone. Following through with these boundaries and punishments will make sure that you are receiving the respect that you deserve. Limitations on screen-time, tv time, playtime, and hanging out at friend’s houses will show them that you’re still in charge. Don’t forget that it’s okay to ask your children what they think is reasonable as you are creating boundaries. Explain that you are willing to negotiate – to a point.
This process for fixing communication problems btween mother and daughter with your daughter won’t happen overnight. Your teen is everchanging, and new obstacles are bound to come about. Keep in mind how valuable clear communication is and don’t underestimate the impact of hearing her out. Not only will this improve your relationship with her, but it will set the tone for healthy relationships in the future.